


ashes and strawberries

by wintercrystale



Series: in a universe without you [4]
Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:48:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24398284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintercrystale/pseuds/wintercrystale
Summary: The cigarette Jonghyun steals from Minhyun's discarded shirt is never free, but neither is he. When he puts it between his lips and lights up the other end, it tastes like ashes and sometimes, strawberries.
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun/Kim Jonghyun | JR
Series: in a universe without you [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761733
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	ashes and strawberries

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted from twitter. quoting anya loosely, "post it to ao3 you coward, water the tag!" inspired by troye sivan's strawberries and cigarettes.

To Jonghyun, Minhyun had always been something a little bit more than an entity who kept the darkness away from him.

Living in blurs of memories, reminiscence of youth, of the ashes Minhyun flicked away to keep the fire kindled; Jonghyun was never hungry for an adventure if it weren't for a pair of foxy eyes, light complexion, warm touches, and sharp curves all belonging to a certain tall man going by the name of Hwang Minhyun.

They never had even a hair's breadth of distance between them, always pushing and pulling, always stumbling on each other's feet while trying to stay afoot; hands grasping around desperately for a chance that reality could ground them. It never worked, never really did. For all Jonghyun knew, comfort and lies were the two things he could find in Minhyun, both as intriguing to the young, foolish mind, more than Jonghyun could ever imagine.

Jonghyun remembered the serene nights they spent on the back of Minhyun's beat pickup truck. They would stare at the sky, sprinkled with millions of galaxies unidentified; but not even that thought scared them.

Then, Minhyun would point out that the stars were the most beautiful when he could see them reflected on Jonghyun's eyes; making the older laugh and whisper _"That's a lie."_ as Minhyun tugged him into a searing kiss and slowly stripped their clothes away, one by one until nothing could separate them anymore. 

Jonghyun would always remember vividly, all the touches Minhyun left on his body and the false promise that he'd _stay_. For as long as he could, or at least until the darkness of the night wasn't their safe blanket anymore and Jonghyun had to move on without Minhyun's lies of loving him. All the _"I love you"_ s Minhyun blurted out when Jonghyun was writhing beneath him, panting for breath and sweating, they were all lies. Jonghyun would know; it was only at the heat of the moment.

Because Minhyun never said it when they're side by side and laughing, the sun high up and cheerful, hanging right above their heads.

It always ended up with Jonghyun waking up at God knew what ass o'clock it was, limbs all tangled with Minhyun's, the sun peeking shyly from behind the morning clouds, ready to greet him in exchange for the secret of their escapades. The sun. It was always the sun that reminded Jonghyun they couldn't be like this forever, not when Minhyun would _never_ want anything to do with him other than the occasional stress release.

The cigarette Jonghyun stole from Minhyun's discarded shirt was never free, but neither was he. When he put it between his lips and lit up the other end, it tasted like ashes and sometimes, strawberries.

_Just like the taste of Minhyun's lips._

Addicting, almost drunkening. If Jonghyun was allowed to have one thing for eternity, he would like to have the taste of strawberries and cigarettes at the tip of his tongue; lingering there, but not quite near enough.

"Hmm, good morning, Jonghyun."

Jonghyun would always smile at the husky voice before turning his head to the source and letting his gaze linger for a moment.

It's a nice sight, always a nice sight. Minhyun sprawled out with no shirt on, hair a tousled mess against his forehead, his dog tag clanking against the truck's metal before he decided that it wasn't a comfortable resting place at all when Jonghyun wasn't there with him.

"Good morning," Jonghyun would always reply, curt and easy.

Minhyun blinked against the morning light, rubbing his eyes in hopes that it would ease his vision. "Is that my cigarette you're smoking?"

Jonghyun scoffed, taking the cigarette between his fingers. "You know I don't smoke."

"You're smoking right now."

"I know."

Then, Minhyun would always pull the cigarette away from Jonghyun before diving in for another kiss, fingers threading between Jonghyun's soft locks idly, the only thing grounding him to reality. Sometimes, Minhyun would demand a continuation of the night before, but he's a little softer today, choosing to pull away from the kiss and steal the cigarette from Jonghyun's hand and putting it between his own lips.

"You know you feel sweeter without the taste of my cigarettes." Minhyun gave Jonghyun a lazy grin and only got a nonchalant smile in return.

"Then stop smoking."

It would be lovely if Minhyun would do that for Jonghyun.

"Can't, I'm coping."

But sometimes things as simple as that could be considered a sisyphean task when it came to Minhyun.

The man was damn stubborn, only giving in to the people he deemed to fall in love with. Jonghyun wasn't one of them. Jonghyun was only the person Minhyun seeked when he needed shelter. On the days Minhyun could weather the rain, Jonghyun would only watch from the sidelines. On better days, Minhyun didn't need Jonghyun as much as Jonghyun could wish for.

But if love was nothing more than just a waste of time, Jonghyun didn't mind wasting it on the one person that didn't care. As long as that person was Hwang Minhyun.

"You'll die young this way," Jonghyun said, shifting to the edge of the truck and reaching his feet towards the ground, getting ready to give another kickstart to reality.

Minhyun had perched himself against the railings, smoke puffing out of his lips in greyish circles. "I'm here for a good time, not a long time."

Knowing that Minhyun was stubborn, Jonghyun only rolled his eyes, heart uneasy from the carelessness of the younger.

_'Why can't I be the one for you? Why won't you look at me?'_

"Come on, we're heading back to the city." Jonghyun started putting his clothes back on, reminding himself that the touches Minhyun left and the marks that lingered were only traces of his own stupidity.

"I still want to stay here for a while."

Jonghyun put on his shoes and walked to the side of the truck, meeting Minhyun face to face with only the railing separating them. They stared at each other, no words tumbling out of their mouth to convey anything; because Jonghyun would _never_ let out that he was in love with Minhyun and Minhyun had no love confession to begin with.

The thin lips holding the cigarette curved up into a smile anyway, a silent reminder that the relationship between them was sometimes just polite theatrics.

Jonghyun brought his hand up to caress Minhyun's cheek, knowing that there were no boundaries between them in this _no-strings-attached_ relationship. "Do you want to get more strawberries from the field, then?"

Those foxy eyes had the audacity to twinkle at the mention of the fruit, the curl of Minhyun's lips showing interest as he blew out another puff of smoke. "I'd like that."

"Come on, then."

Before Jonghyun could usher Minhyun to the front seats, Minhyun took the cigarette away from between his teeth and gave Jonghyun a peck on the lips; short, but dizzying all the same to Jonghyun.

Driving away from the place they made love was easy, because that way Jonghyun would have a reason to forget everything that happened. At least, that's what Minhyun always told him whenever they're on their rendezvous.

Because there's no place for stupid feelings in their relationship.

Now, time to move on.

**Author's Note:**

> if 2016 me were told i'd ever post an m rated fic, she wouldn't believe it. alas, here i am. thank you so much for reading!!! if you ever want to be my friend, hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/wintercrystale) or yell at me on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/wintercrystale)!


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